2.2 Listening skills
Listening skills involve
- Reflecting back what you have understood the mother said.
- Appropriate questioning.
Reflective listening
Reflective listening communicates to the mother your interpretation of what she has said and how she feels, and does so in a way that demonstrates understanding and acceptance.
Paraphrasing
Paraphrasing typically explains or clarifies what was said. A good paraphrase is succinct, cutting directly to the message and is restated the way you understood the message. Paraphrasing is not parroting (or copying). Parroting stifles conversation, paraphrasing contributes to the communication between people.
An example:
Mother: “I love my baby and I love breastfeeding her. My mother says it's the best thing for babies. But I'm so tired every day from getting up for the night feeds. I just wish my husband could give her a bottle sometimes.
”
Health care worker: “Breastfeeding is good, but you think you might begin giving her bottles of formula.
”
At this point the mother will either agree or she'll disagree and clarify her intent.
Applying paraphrasing more often in our everyday conversations would improve the fluency and accuracy of what was said and what was understood to have been said.
Paraphrasing exercise
Reflecting feelings
You don't have to state the mother's feelings if it isn't appropriate. However, you must be aware of what they are.
How do you correctly interpret her feelings?
Try these tips.
- Sometimes they may be spoken and leave you in no doubt: “
I felt so angry when he said that to me.
” - You may need to infer it from the content: “
I spent two hours yesterday when I was really busy helping her to breastfeed. Now she's artificially feeding, and says she was going to when she got home anyway.
” - Observe her body language. Much of your understanding of body language is 'innate'; something you pick up during a lifetime of interpersonal relationships. However, there is still so much you could learn. This is beyond the scope of this course but you will find it very rewarding if you pursue this interesting topic.
- How would you be feeling in that situation? Each person's emotional experience is unique, but by applying the previous points and thinking about how you would feel you can have a fairly good guess. If you reflect that feeling, eg. “
That's so frustrating
” , she will either agree readily or tell you how she actually feels.
Appropriate questioning
Consider the following conversation:
Health worker: | Good morning. Are you feeling well today? |
---|---|
Mother: | Yes. I'm well. |
Health worker: | Is baby feeding OK? |
Mother: | Yes. |
Health worker: | Are you having any problems? |
Mother: | No. |
Now consider how it could have been more productive.
Health worker: | Good morning. How are you feeling? |
---|---|
Mother: | I'm feeling well. Thank you. |
Health worker: | Tell me about how you are feeding your baby. |
Mother: | I breastfeed often during the day, and give him a bottle at night. |
Health worker: | What made you decide to give a bottle at night? |
Mother: | He wakes up at night, so I don't think my milk is strong enough to satisfy him. |
Do you see how questions that require only a one-word answer (closed questions) limit the amount of information you receive, while open questions encourage more conversation?
We often rely on questions excessively and use them poorly. Questions usually focus on our own intent, perspective, and concerns rather than on the mother's orientation. When that happens, questions are a barrier to communication.
About questioning
- Closed questions
- A closed question can be answered with either a single word or a short reply, eg yes/no. Closed questions direct the conversation, keeping control of the conversation with the questioner, and should therefore rarely be used.
Because these questions are so directed, the mother may reply with what she thinks you want to hear for fear of getting the question wrong. eg. “How many times a day do you feed him?
”
Closed questions are useful for starting a conversation while retaining control, “It's great weather, isn't it?
” and for facts, “What was your baby's birth weight?
” “How old are your other children?
” - Open questions
- Open questions deliberately seek longer answers, asking the mother to think and reflect, before responding with opinions and feelings. The control of the conversation moves to the respondent.
The question should be designed to help her to clarify her own problem, rather than provide information for the interviewer. “How do you feel your baby is latching when you use the nipple shield?
”, “How could you keep your other children busy while baby is feeding?
”
Ask only one question at a time - and not too many even then.
Converting closed to open questions
What should I remember?

- the two aspects of listening skills
- the goal of paraphrasing, and how to paraphrase
- the best use of closed and open questions